In their first couple therapy session, Bonnie and Greg present their problems in broad outlines. I want to get to examples. It is only by hearing what partners actually say to each other in specific situations that it’s possible to help them come up with the needed conversation. Before shifting to examples, however, I want […]
Posts tagged Collaborative Couple Therapy
Guardian of the Conversation
At the root of Collaborative Couple Therapy is the idea that partners in a problematic exchange are in need of a conversation—a conversation of reconciliation in the case of partners who have been fighting and reconnection in the case of partners who are withdrawn. My job, in addition to helping initiate the needed conversation, is […]
End-of-the-Session Question
At the end of each session, I ask, “What’s been disappointing about the session and what about it, if anything, has been useful?” If the session has been clearly useful, I omit the “if anything.” If the session has been clearly difficult, I emphasize the “if anything.” If “disappointing” seems too mild a word given […]
A Distillation of Collaborative Coupl...
I am writing a book—Solving the Moment: A Collaborative Couple Therapy Manual— based on my blog entries. Here is the introductory chapter, which grew out of my May 27, 2019 blog: A Synopsis of Collaborative Couple Therapy. In this introduction, I lay out the essential features of Collaborative Couple Therapy, presenting in a few pages […]
RECASTING COMPLAINTS AS WISHES AND FE...
Doubling, speaking as one partner talking to the other, is the premier way to accomplish the principal task of Collaborative Couple Therapy, which is to turn arguments into conversations and disengagement into engagement. When I first began to double, before I had sufficient experience to develop mental guidelines for doing so, I simply asked myself, […]
BERNARD APFELBAUM’S EGO ANALYSIS
Collaborative Couple Therapy is rooted in Bernard Apfelbaum’s Ego Analysis—as I think will become clear when reading this piece. Bernie, who was my mentor, died on July 5, 2016. Some of us who have been deeply influenced by him are thinking of putting together a Wikipedia piece on ego analysis. In this effort, I wrote […]
A Synopsis of Collaborative Couple Th...
The following is a synopsis of Collaborative Couple Therapy theory, simplified to reveal the logical flow from each element to the next. The problem is fighting and withdrawing. The solution is having a conversation. Having a conversation is solving the moment. The conversation begins with a sentence: intimacy may be just a sentence away. The […]
THE MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUESTION IN COUPL...
As the years go by, I find myself making increasing use of three types of questions in my effort to help partners find their voice and come up with the missing conversation. These three are the multiple-choice; how much, how much; and sentence-completion questions. This blog is devoted to the multiple-choice question, which expands an […]
