This workshop for therapists -TURNING FIGHTS INTO INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS – presents Collaborative Couple Therapy. Its goal is to enable participants to:

  1. Become each partner’s spokesperson, scriptwriter, and advocate.
  2. Turn problems into moments of intimacy.
  3. Use fights as entry points into conversations that can expand the relationship.
  4. Recognize pathological behavior as a default position that people fall back on when they are unable to get themselves across.
  5. Bring out what each partner is struggling with in a way that gets everyone empathizing.
  6. Find ways to empathize with the less likeable partner.
  7. Become more conversant with their self-talk during couple therapy.
  8. Deal with couple gridlock by re-assembling the relationship on the next higher level.
  9. Recognize the subtle pejorative attitude that can easily creep into our work with clients.
  10. Substitute loss of voice for resistance as the key psychopathological concept

The Major Elements of the Workshop:

POSITIONS. In order to do couple therapy you need a position: a way to make sense of the flood of material coming at you and a plan for how to intervene. Dan lists common positions as an introduction to describing his own.

THEORY OF RELATIONSHIPS. Dan uses a fight with his partner to lay out his theory of relationships and the couple therapy approach that emerges out of it.

LIVE DEMONSTRATION WITH VIDEO ANALYSIS. Using volunteers from the audience to role-play the partners, Dan demonstrates his therapeutic approach, followed by a video replay in which he describes the rationale behind each intervention.

THE THERAPIST’S INNER DIALOGUE. Using volunteers from the audience to help him read from a prepared script, Dan describes the conversation he has with himself while doing couple therapy. We see here the hidden tempestuous life of the therapist.

THE SOURCE OF THE PARTNERS’ PROBLEM is loss of voice – the inability to express what they feel or even recognize fully what it is. Partners take these feelings that make them uneasy and sweep them under the rug or turn them into something the other is doing wrong – that is, they avoid or blame.

THE TASK OF THERAPY is to turn the couple’s avoidant or angry interaction into an intimate conversation by discovering the missing heartfelt feelings and creating a joint platform (re-assembling the relationship on the next higher level).

THE PARTNERS’ INNER DIALOGUES. A clue to the partners’ missing heartfelt feelings is in their inner dialogues – what they say to themselves while talking to each other. A task of therapy is to bring out these inner dialogues.



Berkeley, CA, Friday (9am-4pm), Mar 27, 2015. JFK University. Contact:



Nashville, TN, Saturday, Oct 18, 2014.

Lakewood, NJ, Sunday and Monday, November 2-3, 2014

Seattle, WA, Friday, Jan 16, 2015



San Francisco, CA, Saturday, Nov 15, 2014

CEUs for the workshops that Dan gives alone

California MFTs and LCSWs. Apfelbaum-Wile Seminars (AWS) is approved by the Board of Behavioral Sciences to provide continuing education for Marriage and Family Therapists and Licensed Clinical Social Workers (provider #PCE 8). The one-day workshop meets the qualification for 6 CEUs, the two-day workshop for 12, and each continuing training session for 3.

California Psychologists. Collaborative Couple Therapy Seminars is approved by the CPA OPD to sponsor continuing professional education for psychologists in California. Collaborative Couple Therapy Seminars maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

Out of state MFTs,  LCSWs,  psychologists, counselors, and other professionals. CEUs provided by RCassidy Seminars.


"I love Wile's writing and thinking. They are entirely consistent with many of my research findings. I think that Wile is a genius and the greatest living marital therapist. I am blessed to have been able to exchange ideas with him.”

John Gottman, Ph.D

Dan Wile’s Audios & Videos

Six Hour Workshop available on DVD or CD (in MP3 Format).

DVD of Dan Conducting A Couple Therapy Session.

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